don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
