Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
