i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
