Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
