No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
