xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
