When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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