It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
