The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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