His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
