what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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