Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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