I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
