Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
