I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
