she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize