btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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