Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
