I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
