Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They are going to name an STD after you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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