I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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