She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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