Don't you send me to vm
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
