my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
