Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
