dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
