shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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