You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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