It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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