I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
