Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
