got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Someone shattered a urinal.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
