Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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