WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
