You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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