i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
