Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
