Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
