Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize