I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
