Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
