Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
