So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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