God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
