as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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