I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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