I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
