I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
