Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
