if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
