Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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