I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
