its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
