found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
