a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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