At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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