Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
