Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
