i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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