Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
