Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
