She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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