I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
