Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
