dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
