I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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